Holidays and Chemo

I haven't written in a long time and it's because I couldn't find my voice. I couldn't find the words that I so desperately want to say. The things that mean the most to me, the moments I cherish, the memories. I simply can't express the happiness and sorry I am feeling lately!

This past weekend was Thanksgiving, we loaded all the kids up and headed over to my uncles house to spend the holiday with him. It was going to be a nice day, we were going to have fun and eat and pretend that there were no worries in the world. There was going to be lots of food, fun, and family, why wouldn't it be a great time?

In a sense it was a wonderful time, I got to spend Thanksgiving with my uncle... who knows if we will get the chance to do it again next year? There was A LOT of food, Uncle Murray was so excited for the ham! Our family was there and almost everyone was enjoying themselves. Except Murray. Who was so sick from Chemo and a long trip, that he could barely stay awake. He was getting sick so there was no way he could eat, he couldn't even keep down the breakfast drink the hospital gave him for nausea.  When he was awake he joked, laughed, smiled, and watched football. Those moments were nice and will make amazing memories. The smile on his face when my 15 month old daughter climbed into his lap and gave him lovins was definitely something I will remember forever.

To see this man that was always so strong and independent become so weak and dependent hurts. He is such an amazing man, uncle, husband, and second father... It makes it so much harder to watch him fight this battle. No one thinks twice about cancer until it hits close to them... or to them. We KNOW cancer is a terrible thing, something no one should have to ever experience. All the knowledge in the world cannot prepare you to watch someone you love fight this battle. There are times when it seems like they are winning and times when it seems like they are losing. It's a roller coaster of emotions, exhaustion, and sickness that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. I wouldn't wish cancer on anyone and if I could... I would take it from him in a heart beat. I would give anything for him to no longer have to fight this fight. Anything.

But I can't. To know that there is little to nothing I can do to help him in this fight kills me, I can only imagine how my aunt feels.










I didn't update about Murray in a few weeks so here is the update!

He started Chemo!! He got his first round the second week of November and his second round will be the first week of December.

He didn't get TOO sick with the first round but other patients told him that the sick feeling didn't him them until a week or two after the first round and some were lucky enough not to feel sick until the second treatment.


Luckily they DID get back onto insurance once the company fixed their mistake.



They did determine that the cancer has spread, will be doing another round of scans to see if chemo is working after his fourth treatment. Please pray that the chemo is working!!

New shirts!

We have created new shirts for a lower price to help the family out. Each shirt will be $20.49 and range from size youth XS to 3XL. If you would like to order a shirt please fill out the form below!



https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tsSIFP6atiDG5O5JxIdKA11XUVXuxcw9ONYl6ZB8IlY/viewform

Hurdles keep on coming!

Things were starting to look up for my uncle. Due to some complications and the cancer progressing his team of medical professionals decided that they would go ahead with radiation despite the lack of insurance. Which is awesome because they gave him about 2 months without treatment and we were already entering into that second month.

Then he got approved for Medicaid! Praise GOD things are going great! The results from his MRI showed there had been no change in his tumors and that the complications were because of the cancer progressing and not because of the tumors growing in size or number.

Just as quickly as he was approved for Medicaid he was kicked off. Why? They said their income was too much, but their math was off somewhere because they don't make nearly as much as what the insurance is saying they do. So my aunt and uncle are back to fighting for them to have insurance AGAIN.

Currently Murray is in a rehabilitation center where he is receiving physical therapy as well as speech therapy in hopes to get him strong enough to come home again.  Luckily my aunt is able to stay there with him so he is not alone through this whole ordeal and it saves them quite a bit of money in gas. With this government shutdown there are concerns as to how they are going to keep up with stuff like their bills, food, and gas.

Due to both Murray and Julies health problems neither one of them are able to work. So they get disability and live off of that. Hopefully the shut down doesn't last long and has no effect on their income.

There are no further updates as of yet. We are still collecting donations and doing fundraisers for them to help with medical and living expenses. This has been very hard on them financially and emotionally, they can use all the help they can get.

$1 HELPS or even if you just forwarded this blog or the information to people willing to help. Any information towards organizations that can help is more than welcome! Home remedies... Anything helps.. Even a silent prayer or a few words of kindness.

http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=9013420319082421676#editor/target=post;postID=2424263775878716949;onPublishedMenu=allposts;onClosedMenu=allposts;postNum=3;src=postname

Yes!

This past week Murray ended up back into the hospital because his symptoms were worsening. The neurologist decided it was best that they started radiation treatments right away because the cancer was progressing. They fitted him for his radiation mask on Monday and gave him high doses of radiation Tuesday through Friday and one last dose today. They are going to run tests to see if the tumors have gotten smaller in size because they gave him much higher doses than they had originally planned on doing.

Murray was FINALLY approved for medicaid but the family is still struggling with the expenses of co-pays, gas, food, and the hospital bills from his 9 day stay in the beginning of all of this.

Here is what is happening now:

Testing to see the progress of the tumors
Going to hopefully start chemo soon.
Speech therapy
Physical therapy

Because of the damage done by the tumors he basically has to relearn how to use the right side of his body/brain again. They are teaching him basic skills right now like eating and caring for himself along with speaking. The tumors caused him to have some trouble understanding things and getting his thoughts put into words so they are helping him gain back that ability. He is not strong enough to be home yet so they have transferred him to a rehabilitation home where Julie is able to stay with him. He is working so hard with the therapists because all he wants to do is be at his home with his wife and their dog who is their "baby".


Please continue to keep them in your thoughts and prayers!

If you would like to make a donation to the family check this out: http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=9013420319082421676#editor/target=post;postID=2424263775878716949;onPublishedMenu=allposts;onClosedMenu=allposts;postNum=2;src=postname

How is he?

According to my aunt, Murray has been very tired lately. The simplest tasks seem to wear him out. His appetite has been decreasing and he is starting to show symptoms again.

Every insurance company that they have reached out to doesn't want to insure him because he is considered a high risk patient with prior existing conditions. We are reaching out to everyone and trying to figure something out for him!

The doctor said it is very important for them to understand that without treatment to the tumors on his brain that, "they will become a life threatening event quite quickly." Now that is a hard pill to swallow for anyone, so of course they are crushed. Without the funding to start treatment, they are basically just waiting for either the funding to get within their grasp or for him to join our Lord in heaven. As a person I can't imagine going through this myself... as a wife I can't imagine watching my husband go through this. They are doing everything they possibly can short of asking the devil himself for help...

Right now everything is in Gods' hands and while it is comforting to know that God has his plan and his reason for everything, it is also a terrifying thing knowing that all you are able to do is sit back and watch.

So please say a prayer for my aunt and uncle, pray for healing and funding to get where they need to be.

If you would like to donate here are some ways to do so!

Gofundme: http://www.gofundme.com/42fy80

Bracelets:  http://docs.google.com/forms/d/15H9w3U-7oOHxYCfX3MDEIhVP_m3rIBymE5lvX_o6mkE/viewform

Shirts: http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.customink.com%2Fsignup%2F44p3gxch&h=7AQFGHSj1

FB event: http://www.facebook.com/events/538746342847546/538748349514012/?notif_t=event_mall_reply

Fundraising!

We have started various fundraising projects to help my aunt and uncle with the treatments for his cancer. My good friend Samantha has been a huge help in this so I would just love to thank her really fast! Samantha you have been amazing through all of this and I don't know what I would do without you. I love you!

Back to the fundraising!

I will be ordering a ton of Lung cancer support bracelets. They will be white and say "Support Lung Cancer. Stay Strong." With the white ribbon for Lung cancer on them. If you would like to order one for $5, fill out this form here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/15H9w3U-7oOHxYCfX3MDEIhVP_m3rIBymE5lvX_o6mkE/viewform

We also have an event on FB where you can purchase jewelry and the proceeds will go towards helping fund cancer treatments. Samantha set this up and you can find it here: https://www.facebook.com/events/538746342847546/538748349514012/?notif_t=event_mall_reply

There is also the GoFundMe account: http://www.gofundme.com/42fy80

We will aslo be doing shirts: http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.customink.com%2Fsignup%2F44p3gxch&h=7AQFGHSj1

The diagnosis...

The biopsy results came in and it turns out that my uncle has Stage 4 non-small cell lung cancer. 

Just so we are clear, I will post some information I got from: http://www.cancercenter.com/lung-cancer/stages/

Stages:

• Stage I non-small cell lung cancer: Cancer may be present in the underlying lung tissues, but the lymph nodes remain unaffected.
• Stage II non-small cell lung cancer: The cancer may have spread to nearby lymph nodes or into the chest wall.
• Stage III non-small cell lung cancer: The cancer is continuing to spread from the lungs to the lymph nodes or to nearby structures and organs such as the heart, trachea and esophagus.
• Stage IV non-small cell lung cancer: The cancer has metastasized throughout the body and may now affect the liver, bones or brain.

Now as if this is not scary enough, they were denied emergency medical assistance so they have no way to cover the treatments for radiation and chemo therapy. They are trying to secure the funds for radiation to begin that first because it is the more important treatment at the moment. The tumors on his brain pose a greater risk than the tumor on his lung so they want to treat those with radiation before beginning chemo on the mass on his lung.

At this point all we can do is pray for the funds to find their way to my aunt and uncle for treatments. Then pray that the treatments work. It's a hard pill to swallow for me so I can only imagine how they feel. I am trying to be there for him in every way possible, but it is hard when I have two kids and a husband of my own. I'm thinking about starting some benefit sales to help go towards my uncles treatment costs. I also started up a gofundme account for them as well. 

Trying to think up some good ways to help them out with funding for treatments, but I'm drawing a blank! 

If anyone is reading this please say a prayer for him... for us,.. for funding... Just pray... 



http://www.gofundme.com/42fy80

Update via. my aunt.

My uncle is getting restless in the hospital, but who wouldn't? Seeing the same four walls day after day would get to anybody. He is still so optimistic, but says what are his other options? He said this has definitely given him a different outlook on life and he appreciates life so much more now. If anything good has come out of this experience it is that! To be given a good outlook on life and to build the appreciation of GODs greatest gift... life. As heartbreaking as this situation is, it has clearly brought us all closer as a family.

 

This situation has tested the strength of my aunt and uncles relationship, their love, and their bond as a couple. They have grown closer already in the short amount of time since the discovery of his tumors, which is a great thing! Especially if the worst does happen. I want their memories to be filled of good ones, not bad. I want them to enjoy every minute together and to be thankful for each other because GOD chose them for each other. She is his angel and he is her rock.

 

As for his biopsy results: We are still waiting for biopsy results, which we should get early Monday morning.

Here is an update via. my aunt:
Murray was transported to another hospital yesterday who has a neurological surgeon on board. ...They ran additional labs and scans. The new scans showed he has 5 tumors in the brain. They are all relatively small in size but all cancerous. One is affecting his speech and another is affecting his balance & coordination. He has a mass in the upper left lung. They will be performing a biopsy in the am to see if the mass is cancerous. Won't really know what the next steps are until the results come back from the biopsy. The plan so far is to see if radiation will take care of the tumors. If not then a surgery is planned for Friday. The doctor is very optimistic that this can be treated easily and he is optimistic that Murray has good chances of beating this. His optimism gives us hope and hope floats! Please keep us in your prayers for our finances as well. Murray had left his job in June because of some of his symptoms. Work was beginning to put a strain on him. So he has no health insurance. We have applied to every program the hospital has offered so we are hoping he gets approved for something. And now I am driving from AJ to Phoenix because he doesn't have a private room so I can't stay with him. So all our funds are going in the tank. Praying for blessing but just wanting prayers. Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. This love & warmth amazes me





Here is a gofundme account set up for donations that will contribute to gas and cancer treatments: http://www.gofundme.com/42fy80

As HIS plan unfolds....

So here is a quick update!

First off! Yesterday they did not find a tumor behind his heart, that was  a misunderstanding! (Thank GOD!)

Here is what they DID find.

• 5 tumors in his brain. 
• 1 tumor on his lung
• suspected lung cancer

The tumors on his brain are all relatively small, but all are cancerous. They will be performing a biopsy on the one on his lung today to see if it is lung cancer. If it is, they are going to try radiation first depending on the biopsy results. He has a surgery scheduled for Friday as a precaution in case the findings aren't as good as they are thinking.

Here is the plan so far!

• Biopsy
• Radiation
• Possible surgery

Our strong man is doing awesome! His only complaints so far is they wont stop poking him, wont let him sleep, and are making him eat card-board like food. He is laughing and joking about the whole situation. He is keeping a strong face, which I think is good because it's really helping my aunt keep her spirits up! Also, the doctors seem very optimistic which helps A LOT. 

Now enjoy this poem that a friend sent to me. Thank you Sammie. <3 

Where is GOD when?

Lately I find myself wondering, "Where is GOD when I need him the most? Where is he when worlds start falling apart? Where is he when I really need him to answer my prayers?"

Yesterday I found out that my uncle has two tumors on his brain. When I read those words I just broke down. This man has been there ever since I was a little girl and I have grown so very close to him through the years. He means so much to me and I have never once told him that. He is like a second father to me, I have never told him that either. My kids call him Papa, they are convinced he is their grandpa... He loves that! This man has come so far from where he started out in life and he is an amazing person. I don't think he knows just how much I care for him, how much he has touched my life because... I have never told him. 

Yesterday I also found out that life is too damn short to refrain from telling anyone how they have impacted your life. I learned that the battles you face, the battles you think are too much, can be nothing compared to the battles someone you love faces. 

Yesterday I thought about his wife, my aunt, who has been there since the day I was born. Someone who truly is the second mother in my life. She is so much more than an aunt. She knows that! She knew it that day in Big 5 that I accidentally just called her mom while I was talking to her. Like it was nothing, I just said, "Hey mom! look at this!" It touched her heart, I know it did because she started crying. She is amazing and she loves this man so much. I know this is killing her. I pray for her to have the strength to make it through this with a strong face and a strong, forgiving heart. 

Today... Today I found out that they found two more tumors. One behind his heart and the other behind his left lung. I can't help but ask GOD why. I know he has a plan for my uncle. One that we wont understand and probably never will. Who am I to question GOD's plan? Who am I to question GOD at all? Yet I cannot help myself. There are so many things I wonder.. Why does everything start to fall apart just when they are starting to look up?

Today I got the answer to my question: "Where is GOD when I need him the most?"

He is carrying me. He is holding my hand through some of the toughest battles I have ever faced. Some of the steps I am taking have been the hardest ones of my life, yet GOD is carrying me with ease through these hard times.

I know he is carrying them too. I know he is by their side, holding their hands, and leading the way. I know he knows what he is doing. I know the only thing we can do is pray and pray hard. As hard as it is to believe, GOD always has a good reason for doing the things that he does so we just have to keep the faith and keep hope alive.