I haven't written in a long time and it's because I couldn't find my voice. I couldn't find the words that I so desperately want to say. The things that mean the most to me, the moments I cherish, the memories. I simply can't express the happiness and sorry I am feeling lately!
This past weekend was Thanksgiving, we loaded all the kids up and headed over to my uncles house to spend the holiday with him. It was going to be a nice day, we were going to have fun and eat and pretend that there were no worries in the world. There was going to be lots of food, fun, and family, why wouldn't it be a great time?
In a sense it was a wonderful time, I got to spend Thanksgiving with my uncle... who knows if we will get the chance to do it again next year? There was A LOT of food, Uncle Murray was so excited for the ham! Our family was there and almost everyone was enjoying themselves. Except Murray. Who was so sick from Chemo and a long trip, that he could barely stay awake. He was getting sick so there was no way he could eat, he couldn't even keep down the breakfast drink the hospital gave him for nausea. When he was awake he joked, laughed, smiled, and watched football. Those moments were nice and will make amazing memories. The smile on his face when my 15 month old daughter climbed into his lap and gave him lovins was definitely something I will remember forever.
To see this man that was always so strong and independent become so weak and dependent hurts. He is such an amazing man, uncle, husband, and second father... It makes it so much harder to watch him fight this battle. No one thinks twice about cancer until it hits close to them... or to them. We KNOW cancer is a terrible thing, something no one should have to ever experience. All the knowledge in the world cannot prepare you to watch someone you love fight this battle. There are times when it seems like they are winning and times when it seems like they are losing. It's a roller coaster of emotions, exhaustion, and sickness that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. I wouldn't wish cancer on anyone and if I could... I would take it from him in a heart beat. I would give anything for him to no longer have to fight this fight. Anything.
But I can't. To know that there is little to nothing I can do to help him in this fight kills me, I can only imagine how my aunt feels.
I didn't update about Murray in a few weeks so here is the update!
He started Chemo!! He got his first round the second week of November and his second round will be the first week of December.
He didn't get TOO sick with the first round but other patients told him that the sick feeling didn't him them until a week or two after the first round and some were lucky enough not to feel sick until the second treatment.
Luckily they DID get back onto insurance once the company fixed their mistake.
They did determine that the cancer has spread, will be doing another round of scans to see if chemo is working after his fourth treatment. Please pray that the chemo is working!!
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